this blog was intended to express frustrations associated with getting a job, an outlet to vent what I feel and possibly others as well in this ongoing struggle to gain employment.  For today, while I have additional news on the job hunt, there are other issues.  I have yet to hear back from the major healthcare company and there is this nagging thought that I may not get hired on.  While my interview could not have gone any better and the supervisor who conducted the interview made comments I thought suggestive that I was 'in'.  It remains to be seen.  The city has notified me via email that I passed the physical abilities portion for the Crossing Guard job and am going to be put on the list for consideration.  This is for a part-time, on an as-needed basis job.  In no way does it even begin to meet my needs with respect to guaranteed employment.  Furthermore, I doubt I could really do the  job without first having foot surgery as after my testing (stepping in and out of a crosswalk 36 times) I was barely able to walk without a limp to my car.  I go tomorrow for another injection between my toes to take care of the pain.  That is if the doctor will agree to do so.
Another job opening from the major cable company came in via email.  Of course I applied for the job as I have 20+ years experience performing all the duties associated with the job; however, they've turned me down repeatedly on like applications so I don't see this one going anywhere.  Furthermore, they use the same 'testing software' as does the major healthcare company.  Very strange.
Yesterday I received my 'denial of disability benefits' letter from SSDI.  That denial sent me into such a tailspin-I was shocked to say the least.  Their reasons/logic for denial are absolutely ridiculous.  They agree the condition is severe; however, because I won't be disable for 12 consecutive months, I'm not blind or close to death, I am not eligible for any kind of 'help'.  I'm going to step on a lot of toes here so be aware, be prepared and if the shoe fits, too damn bad, I'm in an emotional bad place.  I was born, raised and have lived in this state all my life.  I worked 32 years for one employer and paid my share of dues/fees to those programs that are referred to as 'entitlements' in that someday I may need to use said benefits.  It doesn't work that way.  Instead, if I were an offspring of an illegal  dweller in this state, I would be afforded benefits such has health care, housing, food, clothing and first to be considered for work.  If I were an illegal dweller, pregnant, single and without means or DESIRE to either follow the law and return to my own country or seek a legal recourse for being in this country, I would be afforded benefits that someone such as myself and millions of others have worked their asses off to provide.  I plan on appealing (SSDI is already sending me the paperwork) as well as I'm going to start a letter-writing campaign to those in the government who work for me and you!  Whether I or you voted them in, they work for us.  Note: an appeal will take just as long as the original application of benefits (120 days).  No f'ing joke-the only good thing is the appeal is handled by someone other than the original handler.
My vocabulary is, at this point, insufficient for expressing my outrage or the hopelessness I feel is second to the tears and sobs that come over me at any given time since yesterday.  I know the tragedy of yesterday was horrific and no, I've not lost my legs or life, but this is my pain,  my life, my agony and I don't expect nationwide coverage, not do I seek sympathy, but rather I share my experience with unknowns who may read my dialogue.
Being without any kind of income is not something that can be easily remedied by thinking of how others may have it much worse.  Being without hope, on the other hand, is something those 'others' and I probably have in common now.  While my pessimism barometer is pegging at 'high' right now, I'm quite certain there will be incidental hits of 'optimism' sprinkled here and there was well.  That's just one of my idiosyncrasies.
Health Net owes me $100.00 and I called them last week to find out when they plan on repaying me.  My health insurance coverage was threatened on several occasions when I was running 'late' paying my monthly premium and you an bet your ass they were on me hard to have their money...there is no urgency apparently returning what isn't theirs as I've yet to get a call back from the.  Yet another block of time set aside to be on hold, as a valued customer, so as to hopefully get an answer.  I could really use $100.00 right now as I've got medical needs.  When I read this sh*t I write it reminds me of reading Dorners manifesto (am I as f'ed up as he was?)  Rather than dwell on this sh*t that serves to maximize the 'down times' life has to offer, I think I'll just focus on that which I know is good and push through...one foot in front of the other even though one of those 'foots' is painful and becoming deformed.