this blog was intended to express frustrations associated with getting a job, an outlet to vent what I feel and possibly others as well in this ongoing struggle to gain employment.  For today, while I have additional news on the job hunt, there are other issues.  I have yet to hear back from the major healthcare company and there is this nagging thought that I may not get hired on.  While my interview could not have gone any better and the supervisor who conducted the interview made comments I thought suggestive that I was 'in'.  It remains to be seen.  The city has notified me via email that I passed the physical abilities portion for the Crossing Guard job and am going to be put on the list for consideration.  This is for a part-time, on an as-needed basis job.  In no way does it even begin to meet my needs with respect to guaranteed employment.  Furthermore, I doubt I could really do the  job without first having foot surgery as after my testing (stepping in and out of a crosswalk 36 times) I was barely able to walk without a limp to my car.  I go tomorrow for another injection between my toes to take care of the pain.  That is if the doctor will agree to do so.
Another job opening from the major cable company came in via email.  Of course I applied for the job as I have 20+ years experience performing all the duties associated with the job; however, they've turned me down repeatedly on like applications so I don't see this one going anywhere.  Furthermore, they use the same 'testing software' as does the major healthcare company.  Very strange.
Yesterday I received my 'denial of disability benefits' letter from SSDI.  That denial sent me into such a tailspin-I was shocked to say the least.  Their reasons/logic for denial are absolutely ridiculous.  They agree the condition is severe; however, because I won't be disable for 12 consecutive months, I'm not blind or close to death, I am not eligible for any kind of 'help'.  I'm going to step on a lot of toes here so be aware, be prepared and if the shoe fits, too damn bad, I'm in an emotional bad place.  I was born, raised and have lived in this state all my life.  I worked 32 years for one employer and paid my share of dues/fees to those programs that are referred to as 'entitlements' in that someday I may need to use said benefits.  It doesn't work that way.  Instead, if I were an offspring of an illegal  dweller in this state, I would be afforded benefits such has health care, housing, food, clothing and first to be considered for work.  If I were an illegal dweller, pregnant, single and without means or DESIRE to either follow the law and return to my own country or seek a legal recourse for being in this country, I would be afforded benefits that someone such as myself and millions of others have worked their asses off to provide.  I plan on appealing (SSDI is already sending me the paperwork) as well as I'm going to start a letter-writing campaign to those in the government who work for me and you!  Whether I or you voted them in, they work for us.  Note: an appeal will take just as long as the original application of benefits (120 days).  No f'ing joke-the only good thing is the appeal is handled by someone other than the original handler.
My vocabulary is, at this point, insufficient for expressing my outrage or the hopelessness I feel is second to the tears and sobs that come over me at any given time since yesterday.  I know the tragedy of yesterday was horrific and no, I've not lost my legs or life, but this is my pain,  my life, my agony and I don't expect nationwide coverage, not do I seek sympathy, but rather I share my experience with unknowns who may read my dialogue.
Being without any kind of income is not something that can be easily remedied by thinking of how others may have it much worse.  Being without hope, on the other hand, is something those 'others' and I probably have in common now.  While my pessimism barometer is pegging at 'high' right now, I'm quite certain there will be incidental hits of 'optimism' sprinkled here and there was well.  That's just one of my idiosyncrasies.
Health Net owes me $100.00 and I called them last week to find out when they plan on repaying me.  My health insurance coverage was threatened on several occasions when I was running 'late' paying my monthly premium and you an bet your ass they were on me hard to have their money...there is no urgency apparently returning what isn't theirs as I've yet to get a call back from the.  Yet another block of time set aside to be on hold, as a valued customer, so as to hopefully get an answer.  I could really use $100.00 right now as I've got medical needs.  When I read this sh*t I write it reminds me of reading Dorners manifesto (am I as f'ed up as he was?)  Rather than dwell on this sh*t that serves to maximize the 'down times' life has to offer, I think I'll just focus on that which I know is good and push through...one foot in front of the other even though one of those 'foots' is painful and becoming deformed.

A long, but productive day.  Had my 2nd interview for the healthcare job and I think it went well-I'm hoping I get this job.  It is a call center which I'm oh so familiar with!  Working on the RX side of the house for this healthcare company which is right up my alley given that I've been in school for Health Information Technology since 2009.  My Pharmacology course will hopefully come in handy.

 This process of job hunting, interviews and selling oneself is in and of itself, a job.  It is like 'acting' but without the 'fake'.   All of us who are actively seeking employment must somehow convince the interviewer that we're the bees knees, that our talents will prove great asset.  I believe I can do this job and excel at it, however, I don't think I excel at being interviewed!  Maybe that is why I've not been hired.  If I could just go sit down at a desk, tether myself to the phone with a headset, log on and take the call, all would be well.

Best part of the day was going to Amy's and seeing my grandsons and having another fantastic meal.  Amy has really gotten into providing healthy, whole-foods meals for her family.  She does great explaining how a box of Wheat Thins is not food!  She admits though to spending far too much time 'absorbed' in the reading, investigating and learning.  One thing is for certain, she knows her business.  Brought home some strawberry jam she 'canned' and after having sampled a bit of it; I can't wait for toast in the morning!

g'nite all.

Yesterday was a physical abilities test for the City job of Crossing Guard.  It was a windy, windy day so holding that STOP sign was a bit tedious.  It's not that light of a thing to hold over one's head with the wind blowing it about.  I entered and exited two crosswalks 36 times during the course of the test.  I was the first one to volunteer and near the end of my 'crossing' test, my neuroma was on fire!  I have to get this thing fixed soon!  There is just no way I can be on my feet for any length of time with this problem.  My foot is becoming so damned deformed and always swollen to the point it doesn't go in or come out of a shoe very well.  Forget safety when I'm in the shower-no purchase with toes that are deformed!
So, onto today's phone interview with the healthcare company-have been invited to  another 'formal, in person' interview tomorrow for which I'm excited and nervous. I just don't feel comfortable being interviewed.  However, I will do my best and hope accordingly.  If they hire me and I can get into the training in May, I'm set.
One of the things I've noticed about getting a job these days is the amount of time it takes for everything to be accomplished on the part of the 'employer' and their hiring representative.  After testing yesterday, we were given a handout explaining what we would need to provide the employer were we to have passed both the oral and physical test(s).  If accepted, I have to show that I graduated high school with a copy of my diploma or GED Certificate OR that I made it through the 8th grade!  WTF?  Then, once that information has been provided, I would proceed for a physical (drug screen I'm sure) and one other step which escapes me right now.  This is at least 2-3 weeks of more waiting.  No one is in a hurry to hire anyone or maybe the reality of it is that there are not enough people already employed to expedite the hiring process.  It just seems that back in the day, you filled out an application, it was read, you were interviewed and either hired or thanks, seeya. Thanks to technology, things just seem to work slower.  EXAMPLE...eBanking which is supposed to eliminate the wait or hold for monies to become available.  We all know what a joke that is-money electronically deposited still takes 5-7 days to clear or be verified.  Which is exactly the same amount of time a check would take.  Who are we kidding?

What a day!  Drove into O.C. for my assessment testing...felt like a fool because I could not find the building!  My Nav lady kept putting me at 3505 and I needed to be at 3515...Called Amy to have her get onto my email so as to get a phone number for the test center...she, as always, proved helpful-called my 'guy' and eventually hooked up with him  (he seemed shocked that I couldn't see the buidling) after I'd read the printed instructions from my confirmation email and  sure enough, my Nav was wrong AND the printed instructions from the healthcare company are WRONG!  I made it on time!  Showed my 'guy' the instructions from the email and he agreed they were confusing/wrong/needed to be fixed.   The test, easy-peasy but without divulging the contents, I can say that I've taken that test a bazillion times for another company.  Have a phone interview next week.  Now, for the drive home....hahaha!  A 7-land freeway, 2 lanes of which are FastTrack, practically empty and the toll today was over $8 bucks!  AND  the traffic still comes to a complete stop!  I will never understand why.  I will have to move closer if I get the job.  I can't see myself doing that kind of grind as I've done it before and it is a killer.
On a side note-they found both hikers!  YAY!
Big Bang Theory coming up-gotta go!

A lovely picture.  It is Thursday, the day of my 'onsite testing' with the healthcare company.  Now I may have made the mistake of googling 'onsite testing for X healthcare company' because I totally did not like what I found.  Starting about 36-38 months ago, there are posts from employees who no longer work for this company along with a 'very few' who still do and the reports are UGLY.  Do I really want to drive the near 50 miles for this?  One of the posts states they will not hire anyone over 40!  Yikes.  Of course that is age discrimination but that is hard to prove.  Other reports state they are happy they got fired because it was like being a slave-you had to be signed onto your computer by the start of your shift!  WTF?  AND that you had to sign off your computer to go to the bathroom!  Are you  f'ing kidding me?  Where did these people come from?  Imagine being on the job and signed onto your computer and/or phone at the start of your shift-how can an employer ask such a thing.  I don't know what to make of these posts and the posts that had newer dates, like 19 days ago, were just trash talk among those posting-an online pissing contest to be sure.  I guess these types of working conditions are 'unbelievable' to those who've never worked outside Taco Bell, but the sound about normal to me.  The over '40' thing bugs and one of the posts talked about finding 'roaches' in the training room (we had mice at the HB office!) and how they over-hire so when people don't show up for training, there are readily available people to fill in.  However, what if everyone shows up and there's no place to sit? The test is supposedly done on a computer, you have to answer 4 simulated phone calls within a 1/2 hour time and apparently it is easy as long as you go through the tutorial.  Also, they do the background check along with a credit report and that's where I think I'm not passing the bar....the credit check. Sucks but there is nothing I can do.  I personally think that is discrimination cuz how many people out there have spotless credit?  Well, I'm sure there are many.  But I'm not one of them.  So, to those who hate working for X healthcare-you should have started at the phone company back in the day when if you were living with someone of the opposite sex you couldn't get hired OR if you were a single mother you were considered 'loose' and unworthy of employment OR if  you had to go to the bathroom, you had to get PERMISSION first....If you put up with it, then it becomes the law-you just have to learn how to beat them to death with their own rules. 

Nothing so far in the way of my test results from the County of Orange.  Probably too soon, but when one is anxious, a day might as well be a month!  Anxious for tomorrow-testing at the healthcare provider-I hope this is not one of those deals where they are pre-testing in order to put people on a list...that is how the counties/cities work and nothing ever seems to come of it.  Well, except for the crossing guard opening which I have the physical abilities test next week.  My foot is so getting more and more jacked up!  The only pair of shoes that seem to fit are now bugging me maximous.  Have to get somewhat dressed up for the wedding this weekend and I have to say it is somewhat embarrassing that I don't have 'wedding' attire!  I'll be the 'hillbilly' cousin!  HaHa.  Thoughts of what if I get hired but really cannot start until after I return from DE...don't think any new employer would allow me to start only to be gone for a week...no so much, eh?  Oh well, there are thousands of employers out there, but I've only got one Mom.  Peace out.

Did I forget about my blog? 
Nope, not ever.  Just so dang busy.  Have another job opportunity this Thursday in the O.C. for a health care provider.  They've turned me down twice but this time I've gotten through the online testing, now I have to go to the site for onsite testing.  Don't know for sure if there is an oral interview or not-its been hysterical these past few days.  So very stressed about my Mom who has cancer that they will not attempt to cure due to existing health issues.  She hasn't been given long to live so me and my older brother are flying out at the end of the month for what will be the final visit/conversation with Mom.  This is so very, very sad but a part of the natural order of things.  She has been sick for the past few years and I'm sure she is exhausted with what 'living' demands from a person.  Be unable to breathe without oxygen tanks and cannulas is scary.  She went from being able to get around using her walker to being wheelchair bound but won't ambulate herself, but waits for someone to come get her, then gets pissed when they are slow to arrive.  She's always been that way though-her way or WRONG!  Hey, got FB post that says KFRG is hiring...checked that out and most of the jobs require knowledge of radio/studio equipment but there was one that I may go back and check out.  Just my brain is fried from what I've been through today with the computer, my online school software mess and trying to get my assignments done.  Have quite a bit of stuff to do before my trip which coincides with  the end of this class, the projects due and the final...aaaggghhh....I dislike flying-there are no curbs up there and you can't 'see' the bumps in the road.  Hope I can get ahold of some Xanax before I leave!
More than anything I hope this job with the healthcare company is in God's will as it would work out perfectly with my educational goals/school major....hopehopehope...never know God's will though.  Don't play with God's will.  Don't mess with His plans.
Heard a Senator from Vermont who is part of the Independent Party speak about how the nation bailed out Wall Street as opposed to investing 17 trillion dollars into small/medium sized business growth which is probably why I and millions of other cannot get a job.  I just can't fathom why Wall St. can do what they do.